Surviving The Wilderness (part-1)

Hey Folks, I'm Jessi.

I want to clear some things up before I just jump right in...…..

I don't want to get on here and share all my knowledgeable pursuits on the wilderness or some amazing 5 point plan on wilderness teaching tips or how I have overcome some particular season in my life. I for sure do not want you to tune in and feel insignificant and small in the same way we sometimes do when we read some amazing blog on spiritual warfare or listened to an inspiring podcast on overcoming etc. only to realize we can’t seem to figure this whole “successful Christian life thing out."

My heart is that you would join me in grabbing a cup of coffee or tea, relax and thank Jesus that you have breath in your lungs as you read this glorified journal entry from a girl who just enlarged everything on the screen and has no idea how to make it normal again and it is too late to wake up my husband to help me. OPPS! Clearly I have this whole being a millennial thing all worked out! Anyways, let’s divine in.

Today marks 8 months of WILDERNESS.

What's a wilderness you may be wondering? Well, it’s a "winter" season. A winter season in your personal life is just like a true winter that we experience in our physical seasons.

COLD. GREY. DOORMANT. DULL. VOID. QUIET.

You are probably now thinking hmmm. How do I not walk through one of those seasons?

Well yeah, it isn't my favorite season either.

I much prefer the crisp cool mornings of fall where you can actually taste the freshness and the sweet anticipation of the Holidays to come. How about the new buds and blossoms of spring or The smell of gardenias in the summer and long days at the beach splashing in the cool water with my sweet Shiloh who is my soon to be four year old little girl and my husband, Dev.

I actually am experiencing wonderful moments in my day to day like walks on the beach and splashing in the ocean. I went outside just this morning and took a big whiff of my Gardenias! You see it is summer in my physical season here on the OBX. Long days filled with lots of water and sunshine.

Though for me personally, I'm in WINTER, I feel lonely. I feel unseen and unheard. In some ways I feel completely buried. Dare I say some days even unloved by all including my Jesus? He seems so far from me though I know he isn't.

You see when God began to call me into this season. Yes, my Jesus he called me into this.

He began to slowly close doors. He began speaking to me about how it was time to go away with him in a hidden place. He began highlighting scriptures to me like Matthew 4; 1, when Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into the Wilderness. Did you catch that? HOLY SPIRIT LED JESUS into the WILDERNESS!!! It wasn't a punishment or an accident. It didn't consist of some grand exit strategy or if you do these certain things then ok Jesus you can leave the wilderness now. HA! Wouldn't that be nice if the verses read Jesus was led by The Holy Spirit into the wilderness and then he prayed six times a day and quoted these verses and then he could walk out? Nope, instead it says he fasted and was tempted by the Devil for 40 days and nights. So my Jesus would have been hungry. Tired. He would have been physically lonely. Then to top it all off he was tempted by the devil. I say all that to just reassure you and myself that we are in good company in winter. That the wilderness is necessary and it’s obviously vital. I'm convinced it is where all our preconceived notions and ideas, as well as religious behavior go to die!!! It’s the place where you must be so convinced that God is who he says he is; that his promises over your life must be like air in your lungs.

Yes. It’s absolutely painful and painfully obvious to me just how much I don't have this whole “Christian life" figured out. How my life is in fact very colorless and self-sufficient. I know all the write things to say. I know all the correct was to pray and yet here I sit month 8 still clingy to my vein religion wondering why my sweet Jesus hasn't just snapped his fingers and POUFF!!!! Transported me to spring! Anyone else found themselves in this same scenario in some way. Just flat out confused and begging God to just get you out of this. Well, I’d like to pose a suggestion. The same suggestion Holy Spirit posed to me. He simply said, Jessi, maybe you are asking the wrong questions? I have pondered this and about how that could look and so far I have begun to see that instead me whining, complaining and denying. I'm starting to say ok this happened take ownership for it and then reflecting on my feelings and the root to those feelings. Then asking Holy Spirit what are you saying or doing in this moment. What are you showing me in this Scenario? This situation etc....his answers are pretty simple and sometimes they seem repetitive. and the biggie is that the responses seem to have a core value.

Here it comes!!!

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.......................................................................................................

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I'm a Pharisee.

Now before you get all riled up and say that can’t be Jesus or that of course I can’t be an actually Pharisee. Let me just say. This revelation has brought me clarity, wisdom and a step closer to freedom. This has pin pointed my trek to the wilderness. Wow.

My religious Bondages are holding me captive, in prison. This wilderness is Gods mercy and grace. This Wilderness if I let it will set me on the rock, on my firm foundation. This wilderness is how I wait and renew my strength. This wilderness is the key to unlock me to walk in freedom.

Stay tuned for (PART -2)

Written in June 2021